Advice

A few of my pregnant friends have recently asked me what advice I might offer about raising a wee one. I've been mulling over what advice to give ... advice is, after all, such a tricky thing. Every momma and every baby is unique; there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to parenting.

Tip No. 5: Sleep is your friend.

Still, there are some principles I wish I had known before taking the plunge into motherhood. So rather than offering advice to my friends, here is a list of advice I would have offered to myself a year ago, had I been able.

To my expecting friends, and to anyone else who happens upon this post, please glean from this list only what is helpful and disregard the rest. A sentiment which leads me to my first item ...

Find your own way - There are countless parenting styles and philosophies. Read, study, and learn. Listen to other parents and ask them questions. But at the end of the day, listen to your heart and to your baby. It can be tough, especially when your decisions aren't popular or the ones chosen by your friends or family. Still, you are your own person and you will have your own unique style. Find your own way, realizing and accepting that it will shift and change over time.

Babies are perplexing - You will never "arrive." That is to say, you'll never have it all together or be able to say you're a perfect parent. There will be weeks and months where you will think, "I've got this down!"But then your adorable son or daughter will serve you a hefty slice of humble pie, and you'll wonder what on earth you're doing. We experienced this phenomenon recently ourselves. Suddenly, D decided he hated sleep. Despised it. Never wanted to do it again. After a few painful weeks, he is back on the sleep train. During these perplexing times, just think about how inconsistent and unpredictable you can be. Babies aren't robots, they are keep-you-on-your-toes human beings. Just when you think you have a handle on your baby, they'll change things on you.

Reject perfectionism - You aren't perfect. You will fail. You will make a gazillion mistakes. You will lose your cool, you will say something unloving, you will think something unkind. Accept that you aren't perfect; you're far from it. But you can try your best, and you can say, "I'm sorry." And you should. Often. Say it to your spouse or partner. Say it to your child. Say it to yourself, too.

Search for balance - It's hard to juggle the various aspects of life, and babies don't make that any easier. Although it's challenging, make a point of searching for balance in your life. Take time to do your devotions and pray, journal or read a novel, watch that TV show or movie, get together with your friend for coffee, etc. Don't become a martyr and "sacrifice" your previous identity or your interests for the sake of motherhood. Being a mom will certainly change you, but it doesn't need to define you entirely. You still have other aspects of yourself, such as a wife, a daughter, a friend, an employee. Those other roles will surely shift and change, and some of your interests or goals may need to be set aside for a season. But try not to lose yourself as you embark on motherhood.

What did I miss? What advice or words of wisdom would you give?